(a frank description of observations and feelings)
it had just rained not too long ago and the atmosphere is filled with humidity. i am equally moist, wet-haired and damp-bottomed, having just gotten out of the shower and sitting on the wet steps in front of apartments 203 and 204. the foliage all around the highlands is still green and birds are still whistling clamoring chirping away on this late october morning. sounds like the rain forest in puerto vallarta. the sun is sitting on the horizon.
my parents are back in china, taking care of their folks. i miss my grandparents to tears and somehow feel like i've failed their expectations. the difficulty in aligning their expectations with the ones of my parents and the ones of my own has never been so salient.
the birds in the nearby tree are really going at it. i think one bird is getting ravaged by other, either in a fit of passion or violence. i'm mostly deaf from the wedding last night, but they are certainly being loud. crazy how the most manmade subdivision in the most manufactured suburb can have such striking sounds of wilderness.
these days have been filled with uncertainty. the unbearable lightness of being. i've been making some dangerous life decisions but if i don't start now, then when? how easy would it be to just go down the path of comfort and conservatism and end up like my parents. though, to be honest, their lives are pretty sweet. another conundrum that is difficult to reconcile.
the upcoming winter season will be my first in years where i am utterly and completely single. the thought is dreadful. my mind/body does not cope well in the wintertime. almost texted an ex this morning out of dread of a loveless winter season, but thankfully, my good senses arrived just in time to save me.
time for some breakfast, homecleaning, and productivity. tata~
